Back for more, are you? You lunatic. Don’t you know some things are best left undisturbed? This article, for example, overwrites bandwidth previously allocated to a sacred Indian burial ground. Oh, it seems harmless fun, and that’s how it starts, and then there’s running and screaming and foul-smelling undead cats, not to mention some horrendous over-acting.
Anyway, here we are again for the second of three installments of Alternative Facts from the Doctor Who universe (it feels like there should be a shorter, catchier way of saying that, but I’m darned if I can think of one). Expect political humour and mind-boggling randomness, because that’s how we roll over here at the DWC. And if for any reason you’re reading this and thinking “Part two? Part two? I didn’t know there was a part one!”, in the manner that the Solomon family in 3rd Rock From The Sun discovers that Arthur 2 has a prequel, you can read it here.
1. The Key to Time was originally going to be a segmented sphere, but the Terry’s Chocolate Orange people vetoed the idea.
2. Kevin Lindsay, much praised for his inventive performance as Lynx in 1973’s The Time Warrior, created a hallmark Sontaran mannerism with his sinister tongue-protrusion. However Lindsay’s makeup artist later revealed that far from being deliberate, he couldn’t believe that her cherry chapstick didn’t also taste of cherries and found himself compulsively checking.
3. The United Nations requested their name be removed from the acronym ‘UNIT’ after concerns they were being associated with ‘Intelligence’.
4. So far there have been 17,392 TARDIS props used on the show. Every time it dematerialises they have to build a new one.
5. Matt Smith is due to go to secondary school this September.
6. There’s nothing Anneke Wills likes more on a cold winter’s night than a nice hot chocolate, following by four pints of vodka.
7. Paul McGann spends several months each year as Claire Goose.
8. Tom and Colin were the inspiration for the 1989 film The Fabulous Baker Boys. It is a little known fact that they are, actually, brothers and both studied piano at The College of Music. They teamed up with their glamorous cousin Hilda to form a successful lounge cabaret act. As an aside, their mother was immortalised in a Boney M song, ‘Ma Baker’.
9. Jackie Lane once conversed with a human being for six and a half minutes.
10. The Sixth Doctor’s jacket was made out of production staff who disagreed with John Nathan-Turner. By the end of 1986, it was 12 miles in length.
11. Wee Jimmy Osmond was considered for the role of the Tenth Doctor, but his audition was deemed “too racist.”
12. In Terry Nation’s two-page first draft of Genesis of the Daleks (submitted on the back of a pack of Benson & Hedges), Tezza included a flashback featuring Donump (his original name for Davros). In the missing scene, Donump addresses a Kaled rally: ‘I will build a great dome – and nobody builds domes better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a dome, great dome in the wasteland. And I will make the Thals pay for that dome. Mark my words.’ Script editor Robert Holmes cut the scene feeling it was ‘too far-fetched’.
13. William Russell’s karaoke song is ‘Baby Got Back’.
14. The grand cape worn by Eric Roberts in the final section of the Eighth Doctor’s TV movie was actually brought in from home. Nobody asked where he got it from.
Truth wranglers: Peter Shaw, Tony Jones, James Lomond, Simon Mills, Phil Bates, and Katie Gribble.