The Collector’s Corner #5: Paint and Draw the Film of Dr Who and the Daleks

The Paint and Draw the Film of Dr Who and the Daleks was published in 1965. Come with us into another world to explore its possible origins…

We find ourselves in the comfortable, warm, and gently lit house of Dr Who, the kindly moustached scientist from good old London town. It is 1965 and we join him on a winter’s evening. A roaring fire sparkles in the hearth. Dr Who is working on a new time-space-oscillating-coagulator for his time machine, Tardis. He is making it out of Meccano and bent spoons. Barbara Who, his granddaughter, is reading a huge book about the possibility of flight to the moon. She has a groovy beehive hairdo and wears pale yellow trousers, as she is very modern. There is a noise of running feet on the stairs and the door bursts open. A twelve year-old girl wearing white ankle socks comes in.

SUZIE: Grandfather! Grandfather!

DR WHO: Hello, Suzie dear! What a lot of haste! What have you got to show me this time?

SUZIE: I’ve drawn some pictures of our journey to Skaro!

DR WHO: You’ve drawn some pictures of our journey to Skaro, have you? [To himself, full of admiration:] She’s drawn some pictures! She’s drawn some pictures of our journey to Skaro!

SUZIE: Yes! And I’ve put them together into a book. I thought some other children might like to see them and they might like to colour them in!

BARBARA: Oh, that sounds lovely, Suzie!

DR WHO: It does indeed! Well, before your young man arrives, Barbara my dear, I think we might like to look at Suzie’s pictures!

SUZIE: They’re upstairs. I’ll run and get them.

DR WHO: And I shall come with you! [He lays aside his crackpot contraption and rises from his antimacassared armchair. Suzie runs upstairs. Bow-legged, Dr Who follows her. He pants when he reaches the top, and mops his brow with an eau-de-Cologne scented handkerchief.] Bless my soul. That was a long climb. Wasn’t it, Suzie?

[She smiles up at him. They are great friends. Suzie produces a book of drawings, which she has just retrieved from her bedroom.]

SUZIE: Here they are! Look!

[Dr Who peers at them through his glasses.]

DR WHO: Well, Suzie, they do seem to be very, very nice indeed! Let’s take them downstairs where the light’s better and we can look at them properly!

[Suzie runs down the stairs – and straight into IAN, who Barbara has just let in to the house. Ian is a gormless young man who is Barbara’s suitor. Ian loses his balance and falls over. So does Suzie. Her book flies open and the pictures go everywhere.]

IAN (dopily): Hey!

[He picks himself up. Dr Who dusts him down.]

DR WHO: Dear, dear! Are you quite all right, my dear young man? That was quite a tumble you took!

IAN: Hallo, Dr Who.

[Suzie is gathering her pages together.]

SUZIE [mutters:] Jerk.

DR WHO: Now, Suzie dear, that’s not a very nice thing to say about our brave young friend. And we mustn’t use Americanisms. Do come in, my boy. Suzie has drawn some pictures of our recent travels and we shall all look at them!

IAN [his brain is slowly getting to grips with this concept:] Some pictures?

DR WHO: Yes indeed! Come into the parlour and let’s see them!

[They enter the sitting room. Ian sits on Dr Who’s time-space-oscillating-coagulator and squashes it. Suzie rolls her eyes.]

DR WHO: Young man. That is my latest device for incorporation into Tardis. And you have quite flattened it!

IAN: Sorry. What’s it for?

DR WHO: It is the time-space-oscillating-coagulator. A machine for detecting disturbances in time!

IAN: Oh. [Tries to make light of it.] Well, it could have been something useful. Like a machine to give us biscuits in Tardis. You could make something that gives out custard creams. That would be great.

BARBARA: I’m not sure, Ian. It sounds like a bit of a silly joke to me.

[Later. Ian and the Whos are passing round Suzie’s lovely pictures.]

DR WHO: Most splendid! Most splendid!

IAN [dopily:] Look, there’s one of me here.

BARBARA: So there is! You were very brave to get inside that Dalek, Ian.

IAN [smiling vacantly at the memory:] And there was a horrible smelly green thing in there. We put it in the cloak. And the inside of the Dalek smelt like old fish, too.

SUZIE: I’ve coloured that one in. And I’ve done the letters with my John Bull Printing Set!

DR WHO: Well done, Suzie! What a nice drawing! And here’s one you’ve done of you and me when we were captured by the Daleks!

BARBARA: And look! There are the Thals, fighting the Daleks. Weren’t they brave!

DR WHO: What a wonderful artist you are, Suzie!

SUZIE: Look, Grandfather! Here’s a picture of the Dalek bringing us some breakfast!

IAN: I didn’t like their food. It looked like Plasticine. I like Sugar Puffs for breakfast.

BARBARA: These pictures must have taken you hours, Suzie!

SUZIE: Yes, they did. And Daleks take a long time to draw. They have lots of different bits all over them and you have to get them just right. I did this one of lots of the Daleks together.

IAN: Oh, I’m glad we got away from the planet of the Daleks. They were big metal things. They gave me the willies.

[Just then, Dr Who’s squashed nutty Meccano contrivance starts to glow, beep and wobble alarmingly. Dr Who jumps up.]

DR WHO: Bless my soul! It’s working! There must be some disturbance in the time field!

[A raucous and painful sound fills the air – not unlike the noise of a Yale key being scraped over a bass piano string. It is coming from the garden. Another police box is appearing out of thin air. It is smaller and more battered than Dr Who’s Tardis. From it emerges a querulous-looking old man, followed by a younger man in a sailor suit and a dazzling blonde with long legs. The old man strides up to the back door and raps on it.]

THE DOCTOR: Come on, open up! I know you’re in there. Come out this instant, do you hear?

[Dr Who opens the door to this stranger.]

DR WHO: Good evening, good evening, my dear sir.

THE DOCTOR: Never mind that. I demand to know who you are, and why you have that ridiculous police box in your garden. Are you responsible for this unwelcome and unwarranted interference in the time-lines, sir, hmm?

DR WHO: Pray allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr Who!

[The Doctor looks as though he’s going to blow a gasket. Polly places a calming hand on his shoulder.]

BEN: ’Ere, gor blimey, luv-a-duck, calm down, Doctor!

POLLY: Yes, Doctor, let’s all be calm. I’m sure this nice gentleman doesn’t mean any harm. [Info-dumping:] After all, you said you’d detected some worrying unfamiliar patterns in time and wanted to investigate by travelling to a parallel universe, and here we are: safe and sound.

BEN: Yeah, Duchess, but this old geezer’s got a TARDIS, innit? Apples and pears apples and pears me old china. And ’e calls ’imself Doc True: that’s wot WOTAN called the Doctor! Oo joo fink you are, mate, eh?

POLLY: Ew, Bin, do calm down. You’re always so scowly and cross!

THE DOCTOR: Now see here, Doctor Who or whatever you presume to call yourself –

DR WHO [holding up his hands appeasingly:] There seems to have been some slight misunderstanding. Forgive me, sir, but we have not met, and I confess I am most surprised to see you also are in possession of a machine so similar to Tardis. Please, come inside, sir – and you, young sir, and madam. I shall ask my granddaughters to bring us all tea. And I’m sure we have some crumpets!

BEN: Gor, that’s more like it. I like a bit of crumpet, don’t I, Duchess?

POLLY: Ew Bin, don’t be awful!

[And cut to the final scene. Dr Who, his family and the vacant Ian, together with the Doctor, Polly and Ben, are all sitting round the fire, drinking tea. All is peace and harmony.]

DR WHO: So you see, Doctor, it seems I occupy the equivalent place in our universe that you do in yours – though I confess I am only a humble inventor, and quite human, as you see. I am not from beyond the stars, as you are.

BEN: Fank Gawd for that. One of ’im’s enough for anyone.

ALL: Ho ho ho!

FADE UP CAPTION: The End. Bring up final music: a hideous boppy, twanging noise. Fade to black. The film is mercifully over.

Paint and Draw the Film of Dr Who and the Daleks was produced by Souvenir Press in 1965. It enabled you to paint (and indeed to draw!) the film of Dr Who and the Daleks. There were also dot-to-dot puzzles. It was printed on cheap paper and was about A4 in size. Most copies were mercifully binned soon after Christmas 1965, as no self-respecting child ever finished a colouring book.

Some copies survive; the going rate for these is around £100 today. (Can do you a nice little deal on one, squire. Just drop me an email.)

Coming soon: The Collector’s Corner 6: The Adventures of Tohtori Kuka!