The latest Torchwood release from Big Finish is out now, but it’s not your common-or-garden alien runaround. Tropical Beach Sounds and Other Relaxing Seascapes #4 is a spoken-word relaxation tape, narrated in the warm, expensive tones of Sir Michael Palin!

No, really. Here’s the synopsis:

You are listening to a self-help tape. You are hearing a soothing voice. You have always wanted to do something with your life, haven’t you? Oh, how you’ve ached to be a better person.

Well now. This is your chance. Go on. Sit back. Close your eyes. Relax. You’re going to learn all about Captain Jack Harkness. You’re going to learn all about Torchwood.

You’re going to change the world.

Narrator, Sir Michael Palin said:

“I enjoy doing radio and I enjoy doing recordings because you have to try to create a picture for people. And especially something like Torchwood: Tropical Beach Sounds and Other Relaxing Seascapes #4 as it’s catchily called, because there’s lots to it. It works on lots of different levels.

“It’s a very sustained piece. It’s a long piece of narration to do. There are lots of different ideas and the pace changes abruptly, and very quickly, from larky- jokey, to very dark and rather violent. Anyone who likes reading stuff, you want to be given something that tests you a bit and this certainly tested me.”

Writer, Tim Foley added:

“It was pure joy to watch Sir Michael Palin sink his teeth into the script. He delighted in its weird comedy and revelled in its wonderful menace. I sat there in the studio mesmerised by his delivery. What a lovely voice! What a lovely man!”

Torchwood: Tropical Beach Sounds and Other Relaxing Seascapes #4 is out now as a collector’s edition CD, or as a download from Big Finish. However, while we’re under Coronavirus-related lockdown, Big Finish’s physical releases are on hold and will be shipped ASAP when the warehouses open again. But CDs come with complimentary downloads which you can enjoy immediately after purchase.