I’ve had a really good time watching the Sixth Doctor (Colin Baker) story, The Mark of the Rani, the first appearance of the scheming but scientific Time Lord.

Given the setting of the Industrial Revolution, there’s more than a fair bit of coal to sort through over the two episodes, but I promise that you’ll be rewarded with a fair few diamonds if you’re willing to make the effort.

First things first, the location filming really helps to bring the grimy reality of ‘working down the pit’ to life. The Ironbridge Gorge Museum was used for the outside location work, and it does a near perfect job of transporting us back to the early 1800s. I’ve always had a soft spot for Doctor Who when there’s been a breakout from the confines of studio filming. It doesn’t matter if it’s a well-used quarry or that amazing village in Portmeirion: having Who out and about makes an episode that little bit more special.

As far as the plot goes, the story involves the exiled Rani (Kate O’Mara) posing as an ancient bathhouse attendant. Under this guise, she is draining human brains of their fluid, which is then used, as you would expect, for the benefit of ‘aliens’ who are struggling to sleep on a far-off planet. So, it’s a pretty bog standard premise that you’d expect to see in an average episode of Emmerdale.

If I’m being honest, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the writers, Pip and Jane Baker. The first episode of Mark of the Rani shoots along at a great pace but still finds the time for a little diversion. Upon arriving on Earth, the Doctor and Peri (Nicola Bryant) briefly amble along a country lane. As they walk, Peri talks about the demise of the hedgerows.

Hold on! Stay with me on this!

It’s just a nice little aside that fits perfectly with the moment. Nothing more than a few sentences that show how the age of steam will shape and change the countryside. There’s no shoehorning of an issue into the story. It’s not done for clicks or likes. There’s just a beat that’s long enough to pick up if you’re that way inclined, and then, we quickly get back into the madness.

I’d like to give Pip and Jane Baker a pat on the back for writing that lovely moment. Then again, for the sake of balance, they are also responsible for the meandering second episode, which to this day is still discussed in hushed tones for being the first programme, in the annals of Science Fiction, to introduce the hitherto unknown threat of being turned into a rubber tree. The film critic, Mark Kermode, may argue that Alien is a more terrifying experience, but he clearly doesn’t appreciate the true horrors of bark and a leafy appendage.

Much to my own surprise, I’d also like to praise the Bakers for the creation of the Rani. In my head, if I ever conjure up an image of the character, it’s always from her next appearance in Time and the Rani. I remember the publicity shot of Kate O’Mara, standing with hands on hips, as she wears a crimson top with shoulder pads that wouldn’t look out of place on an American Football field. Then there’s Kate donning a ginger wig and having a lot of fun as she impersonates Bonnie Langford’s Mel Bush character.

I don’t think that these instances really do the Rani any harm, but they certainly don’t make the character into the type of foe that we have dreamt about returning. After watching The Mark of the Rani again, I’m now forced to own up to this being a mistake. In not looking properly at her first appearance on screen, or for that matter even remembering it, I feel that I’ve missed out on an interesting villain who has the potential to be a serious threat.

Look her up on Wikipedia and you will find that she is described as an amoral biochemist. Exiled from Gallifrey, for the delicious crime of turning mice into the monsters who were responsible for devouring the Lord President’s cat, Kate O’Mara plays this version of the Rani as a wonderfully dour and straight to the point adversary who really can’t be bothered with explaining her motives. I think it would be fair to say that the Rani views any form of exposition as a complete waste of time, especially when the act of just shooting you in the face turns out to be the quickest way to solve any distraction that prevents her from getting back to work.

I’m a fan of the sparky line that the Rani uses while clashing with the Doctor. It sums up her feelings towards any of the unfortunate creatures who have fallen into her clutches, while giving you some insight into how her cold scientific brain works. When dismissing the notion that humanity should be treated differently from other life forms, she simply says, “They’re carnivores! Do they think about the lesser species when they’re sticking their teeth into a lamb chop?”

So, anyone or anything is fair game for the Rani’s sharp teeth. And if enlightenment comes at the cost of a little suffering, so be it. In the grand scheme of things, she does not hate or even care about her victims; the creatures that fall under her hand are little more than fodder to be used in whatever way she wishes.

What I’m really trying to say is that, in this particular story, I can’t help but like the way the character is portrayed.

All of which brings me to the inclusion of the Master in this adventure. As someone who grew up in the 1980s, I remain a massive fan of Anthony Ainley’s incarnation, and I think of him as being very much the definitive article in the role. But I’m still going to bite the bullet and say that The Mark of the Rani doesn’t really need him. It’s not because I don’t like Ainley’s performance over the two episodes. Far from it! I much prefer his playful malevolence to the bonkers forms of madness that seem to fuel the Master’s later incarnations.

This doesn’t stop me from thinking that the story might have been better served if the focus had stayed purely on the Rani. Adding the Master helps to double the danger and up the stakes. And there’s no denying the fun that comes from the two villains hurling a variety of pleasingly scathing insults at each other. But I still can’t shake the feeling that the arrival of the much-loved goatee-bearded, black crushed velvet wearing Time Lord only helps to water down the Rani’s threat.

When it comes to skulduggery, I’d have much preferred her not having to share the limelight. Without the Master, there’s a chance that the Rani’s identity might have been hidden from us for a little longer. After the inevitable big reveal, there would be more time to establish her motivations and schemes. Then in a final battle of verbal sparring, set at a distance of 10 steps with dictionaries open and tongues primed, the Doctor’s abrasive wit would find itself up against the power of the Rani’s pith.

As for the Master? If he decided to sit this one out, there’s always a chance of him going on one of those ‘Missing Adventures’ that we all enjoy. In this case, how about a story where he poses as a supply teacher? There are loads of films about unruly classrooms that are full of kids who have terrible attitudes and behaviour. They always start off with a good deal of antagonism, but gradually get turned around by an inspiring individual. As far as I can see, the only difference in the Master’s version of the story would be the use of hypnotism and the consistent application of his Tissue Compression Eliminator.

The one thing about The Mark of the Rani that causes me no problems is that we have the luxury of the story taking place over a couple of episodes. This gives the remnants of my brain some time to process what’s taking place on screen. I can relax, put my feet up, and enjoy the adventure with a cup of tea. It’s one of the advantages of settling down to watch a bit of old telly. In comparison, modern Doctor Who moves at such a pace that keeping up sometimes gives me a bad case of whiplash. But that’s just the way of things now: it’s to be expected, and you have to admit that there were times when stories from the classic era didn’t half drag on.

Another enjoyable part of this story is the inclusion of one of those good old cliffhangers. After being held as a prisoner, the Doctor escapes, if you can call it that, while still being trussed up to a trolley. As you’d expect, the trolley soon ends up being out of control, rocketing down a hill, and on its way towards the impending doom of a mineshaft. It’s a wonderfully silly idea. Just ignore how the film has been sped up in a few places to add a little danger to the ‘low speed trundle of doom’ and the fact that snails laughingly roar past the trolley, revving their Harley motorcycle shells and flicking the Doctor a slimy finger.

Apologies, I’ve still not really mentioned the Doctor or Peri in any great detail. From what I’ve watched, there are times in Season 22 when the Sixth Doctor is so wired and tetchy that I can readily believe the rumour about him grinding his morning coffee with his own teeth. Nevertheless, there are also a few signs of him beginning to mellow, especially in the way that he behaves towards Peri. They continue to frequently moan and gripe their way through many scenes. But you can also see the friendship that’s developed over the time that they’ve spent travelling together in the TARDIS. This comes from the dynamic between Colin Baker and Nicola Bryant, which is nicely played by both actors. I think they make a very solid team, and I’d go so far as to argue that we don’t always appreciate how good they were in their roles.

The rest of the cast all do a fine job with the limited time they’re given. Lord Ravenswood, as played by Terence Alexander, is obviously a man of some authority because he is in possession of sideburns that wouldn’t look out of place on a Yeti. George Stevenson, the famous inventor of the Rocket, makes a perfectly affable appearance in Mark of the Rani’s second episode. Gawn Grainger’s portrayal of this ‘Father of Railways’ hits some nice little notes, but he doesn’t have much to do. Gary Cady’s character, who I shall henceforth insist on calling Handsome Josh, goes through a very impressive story arc, which I now strangely feel the need of listing as bullet points.

• Handsome Josh starts off as a kind-hearted assistant to Stevenson.  
• Handsome Josh gets pulled across to the dark side after being forced to feast upon the Master’s maggot.
• As a final and bitter indignity, Handsome Josh has a bit of an accident and ends up being turned into a tree.
• I would like to open-up a discussion, perhaps in the comments below, as to whether Handsome Josh was more or less wooden after this transformation has taken place.
• How exactly do you turn off pigging bullet points?

Getting his own paragraph, because he’s my favourite member of the cast, is Peter Childs. As the sleep deprived character of Jack, he spends pretty much every minute of the two episodes in ‘full on’ demented Geordie mode. The Mark of the Rani opens with him leading the other Luddites into a scrap. Think John Wick on a budget of pork scratchings. After being robbed of their brain fluids, Jack and his Geordie pals then proceed go on the rampage. I feel that I should warn you here… as this escalates, there are absolutely no subtitles. Not a single line! You are consequently forced to watch, open-mouthed and bemused, as the gang just bulldoze their way through everything, uttering sounds that might be words.

I once tried feeding these noises into Google Translate but ended up breaking the internet.

Nevertheless, I will say that I greatly admire the energy and gusto that Jack and his gang put into all their violent acts. If these guys were to be unleashed as workers upon our roads, I have no doubt that our entire pothole problem would be solved within a couple of days. When we see Jack for the final time, he is tied to a chair and foaming at the mouth. His eyes are wide and wild with an anger that cannot be fully explained.

It’s almost as if he has watched an entire episode of Loose Women.

By the time we reach the climax of the story, the Rani has dumped any attempt to disguise herself as a decrepit bathhouse attendant, swapping the woollen shawl for something that Kate O’Mara would probably wear on the set of Dynasty. After not too much in the way of thought, the Rani decides to rid herself of the Doctor by setting a cunning trap which uses tree mines. Yes, tree, not three — this is not a typo! These nefarious devices, which transmute animal matter into plant matter, might have been used to build up some tension and suspense. Our hero steps into the valley of death, unaware of the danger that now lies beneath his feet. But when you actually see these tree mines in action, you really have to wonder how anyone could possibly miss them.

If I were to tell you that the Rani and the Master only bother to cover the tree mines with about four blades of grass, you might be under the impression that the devices are not only small but also silent bringers of death. In reality, the tree mines are large clunking silver domes, which are about the size of a Honda Civic, and their activation causes more noise than the Prodigy doing a set at Glastonbury. Nevertheless, they do account for Handsome Josh and at least two of the psycho Geordies. Which brings me to the conclusion — that while they might have been too young to die, they were certainly much too stupid to live.

So, what are my overall thoughts about the story? After watching The Mark of the Rani, I am left with a rather big smile and the dregs of a cup of tea, which has long since gone cold. I just need to sort out the red spot that has suddenly appeared on my neck. It’s beginning to be a bit of a pain, I haven’t slept much, and to tell you the truth, I’m starting to feel rather cross about it…