“It’s hard to latch on to exactly what they’re selling when you’re too busy reeling from the constant whiplash of hearing an almost brand new thing every 30 seconds. Although I’ve been able to settle into the story over time, and now appreciate the theatricality of it all, first impressions matter…”

This is a slightly adapted quote from ‘seasoned Eurovision watcher’ Jonathan Vautrey’s review of the UK’s 2025 Eurovision entry, What the Hell Just Happened by Remember Monday. [For ‘thing’, read ‘song’, and for ‘story’, read ‘entry’.]

And I quote it, not to be a smart arse (although, perhaps a little), but because it’s a neat summary of The Interstellar Song Contest. It was jam-packed in the way that jam is packed into a very full jam jar full of jammy goodness. As if Bonne Maman had tried to cram all 23 of its different flavours into one glass container.

There was humour, camp, songs, speeches, loss, love, anger, jealousy, rage, injustice, redemption, violence, hugs, smiles, revelations, call backs, rebirths, celebrities, aliens, humans, and Rylan. And Susan Foreman. Note: her ‘adopted’ name, nicked from a sign on a junkyard. “Susan who? What’s he talking about?”

There were startling moments: the aforementioned return of the Doctor’s granddaughter, the two Ranis at the end. But most of all, the Doctor’s rage. His torturing of Freddie Fox’s Kid, despite the fact that he threatened to callously kill trillions of people, hit a sour note. Not sufficiently dealt with in this episode, I rather hope the ‘ice’ that’s been put in the Doctor’s heart (note: not hearts) is resolved, or at least referenced in the final episodes.

It flies in the face of criticism that the Fifteenth Doctor (Ncuti Gatwa) is too weak and emotional. This time, he was too strong and emotional. Tears of rage rather than sentiment. But let’s not forget this is not a human being; he walks in eternity.

Think of the First Doctor threatening to throw Ian and Barbara off the ship in The Edge of Destruction and the Second Doctor using Jamie as an experiment in The Evil of the Daleks. There are many more in the classic series, and in the revived — think of the Ninth torturing a Dalek in, uhm, Dalek, and the Tenth drowning the Empress of the Racnoss and all her children in The Runaway Bride. Again, I could go on… You can see Belinda Chandra (Varada Sethu) looking at him with new eyes at the end of the episode, despite the Doctor excusing his actions as being triggered by trauma.

And it’s confusing what trauma the Doctor is talking about. “I scared myself,” he says. “The death of three trillion people triggered me. It made me think of my home planet. ‘Cause they all died. In a single second. Every last Time Lord.”

But wasn’t that the first ‘destruction’ of Gallifrey in the Time War, and wasn’t that resolved in The Day of the Doctor? I know the trauma of believing that event happened could be triggering. But wouldn’t it be more triggering if he were thinking of the Master’s destruction of Gallifrey and the Time Lords as revealed in Spyfall Part II, and all because of the Doctor’s origins? Presumably, the Master didn’t destroy it all in one second. It feels jarring, considering Russell T Davies is so determined to continue with the Timeless Child arc.

Apart from some of these concerns and confusions, I really enjoyed this episode. I’m sure that many people hearing the title and seeing the preview would have been worried that it would actually be a song contest with the Doctor and Belinda enjoying the show with a bit of jeopardy thrown in. Rather, it was the background to a politically-charged adventure that quickly upped the drama away from the main stage. And if it were a song contest, Murray Gold definitely won out against a rather lacklustre set of entries for Eurovision later that night. In a bit of meta role-reversal, maybe the Doctor Who composer should pen the UK’s song contest entry for 2026.

We’re getting used to the reveal of hidden renegade Time Lords, ever since the Master came back in Utopia. Then Missy in Dark Water, and once again, ‘O’ being the Master in the aforementioned Spyfall. It’s hard to distinguish what difference it will make having the Rani as an enemy rather than the Master, particularly as Missy was literally a female version of the character. I hope we see some motivation beyond wanting to destroy the universe and/or the Doctor, as is the Master’s bent. Otherwise, it could just as easily have been the Master rather than the Rani. Clearly, there is some kind of power dynamic between the new Rani and Miss Flood, with the latter being strangely subservient, “Here, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am…”

As for the Doctor and the strange reappearance of his granddaughter, Susan… We’ve already had the double bluff of her non-appearance at the last series’ conclusion. But then there was that (clearly portentous) exchange with Kate Lethbridge-Stewart in The Legend of Ruby Sunday:

KATE: If you’ve got a granddaughter, that means you’ve got kids.

DOCTOR: Well, not quite. Not yet.

KATE: But… You mean ..you can have a granddaughter before a daughter?

DOCTOR: Life of a Time Lord.

So, let’s get this straight. The Doctor has a granddaughter but hasn’t had kids yet. But will in the future. But all the Time Lords are dead. Hang on, except one. Well, two, strictly speaking. The Ranis. The Doctor and the Rani? The Doctor and the Ranis? You know, hanky panky in the TARDIS. That’s a universe that doesn’t bear thinking about.

Until next time. Hide behind your sofas, viewers. Be careful what you wish for. This could be an interesting ride…