The Doctor’s faithful robotic dog is getting his own spin-off series once more, at least according to a well-known tabloid which, in fairness, has a history of getting stuff right. And if this all sounds familiar, you’re not being affected by the TARDIS’ dimensioning forces: something similar has happened. Or, more accurately, it’s sort of happened.

Bear with me. (Not the programme mentioned in Bad Wolf.)

In this new series, K9 will apparently be “a bit battle damaged, taking part in a space war”, presumably wearing a leather jacket and complaining about his ears, while a mysterious insider (we’ll call this person “Jackdaw” after the beloved Empress of Mars character) said:

“He’s going to look more industrial and be covered in rivets.”

We’ve all been there, right? Jackdaw goes on:

“Two companies are bidding for the latest spin-off, which will be produced in the UK.”

So the creation of Bob Baker and Dave Martin made his debut in The Invisible Enemy and appeared with Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen) in the one-off stunted pilot, K9 & Company. Fast forward a few decades, and he appeared in The Sarah Jane Adventures too.

There was then an Australian spin-off in 2010 in which K9 was played by a newer model – all flash and Joan Collins-esque.

In 2017, we were due to enjoy K9: Timequake, a film featuring Omega, the stellar engineer who gave the Time Lords a right headache (also, time travel). That never materialised. Maybe it exists in an anti-matter world – no matter.

Look, there was a logo and everything. That’s more than the DWC’s got.

So in conclusion: we don’t know what’s happening, but we need a lie down. Someone bring us dinner. Hold the shrimp.

We’ll see where this goes. Bob Baker’s a lovely chap though, so it’d be great if something wonderful did happen with his beloved co-creation.