This is the second in a trio of old missing stories that have been tucked back in the darker corners of Whodom. This time, it’s the Doctor Who Season 4 premier, The Smugglers.
You’ll no doubt mostly recognize this story from the inevitable pic that will pop up. You know the one. A menacing bald man with a menacing knife threatening William Hartnell’s Doctor…menacingly. It’s…pretty much the only one we’ve got.
Little known fact: the menacing character’s name? “Cherub”. Go figure.
This pure historical was only the second ever story directed by a woman, this time it was Julia Smith—(the last time, it was our previously reviewed story, The Massacre.)
The Smugglers was written by Gerry Hayles and of course produced by Innes Lloyd. It also featured Anneke Wills as Polly and Michael Craze as Ben. Even though this story kicked off a new season of Who, the ratings hit a new low by episode three. The performances got critical acclaim, although the pirates were at times thought to be caricatures and the story repetitive, although I really didn’t detect much of that in the audio.
It’s possible some parents kept the kids away from the violence, or perhaps instead of The Smugglers, a more intriguing and exciting title might have been to adopt the name of the story’s pirate ship, “The Black Albatross”?
You little Cherub
As for the pirates, you had your typical mangy pirate crew, and the aforementioned bloodthirsty Cherub, who be the right hand man to the nasty and imposing Captain Pike himself, he of the barbed hook hand, matey! The story is somewhat straightforward, and not a bad overall jumping on point to the show, beginning moments after the ending of the previous story, The War Machines.
Our story begins with Ben and Polly wandering into the TARDIS after the WOTAN business to return some keys they thought belonged to the Doctor, who almost goes apoplectic seeing the two of them standing there in his console room… since he just dematerialized. More human distractions! Hmmph! Polly’s a worried delight, while Ben is, how shall I put it? Loud and grating. But in this opening scene, it kind of tells you everything you need to know about the show. Cranky old man and his clueless companions knock about in time and space with no control where or when they end up!
Here, they land inside a 17th century cave in Cornwall by the sea. Neither Ben, nor Polly actually believe they’ve travelled in time, and head out to search for the next train back home because Ben’s in the navy and doesn’t want to go AWOL. The Doctor chuckles behind them waiting for realization to dawn.
After said dawning, only then do they discover the tide has come in and barred their way back to the TARDIS. They enter a church seeking shelter as the storms threaten. The Church Warden. A drunken, yet terrified inhabitant is wary of them at first, but when he feels they’re actually trustworthy, he whispers a riddle to the Doctor which would lead him to the lost treasure of the long dead Captain Avery.
Bottom line, old drunk Warden realizes his mortal coil’s about to be sprung, because he used to serve on the pirate ship that sits in the harbor now, and he alone knows the location of the treasure. It be only a matter of time before Pike’s crew finds and kills him. They’ll stop at NOTHING to get the treasure. They’re pirates. Ol’ Cherub, he confronts the poor drunk Church Warden after our heroes leave, and he kills him, thinking his victim already told the strangers about the treasure.
Pirate-on-Pirate Violence
The TARDIS crew find the inn the Church Warden steered them toward, and try to keep a low profile, but pirates barge in and Shang-hai the Doctor back to the Black Albatross, thinking he knows of the treasure’s whereabouts. Ben and Polly get accused of murdering the old Church Warden, and they get imprisoned.
Pike and Cherub in particular are especially brutal men, and there is quite a bit of pirate-violence, as one might expect. It’s no wonder that lots of bits were edited out. But those are the bits you actually can see now thanks to Australia television. Cherub tries to intimidate the Doctor into talking by telling him how he’ll remove his ears, eyelids, and tongue. Oh, that Cherub!
The Doctor and company eventually manage to navigate these waters, and extricate themselves with some quick thinking, as well as the help of Blake, the king’s revenue man with his militia who’ve been trying to bring the smuggling ring to justice. The pirates are taken down by the troops, while Cherub and Pike turn on each other. Our heroes eventually get back in the TARDIS and take off. All in all, a solid enough adventure, with good audio—better than I remember, and good linking narration by Wills.
When we talk about the forthcoming return of Who, we often refer to a back to basics approach. This story is very emblematic of that. When Ben demands they be taken back to 1966, The Doctor freely acknowledges here that he can’t control the TARDIS. Back in those days, the Doctor was well and truly rolling the dice every time he chose to dematerialize, never knowing where the ship would take them, or what they’d find when stepping through those doors.
That ship back then was their only lifeline. No vortex manipulator, no Sonic, no psychic paper. No cheats, no crutches. Just the Doctor, his wits, the TARDIS, and his companions.
Hopefully, we’ll see The Smugglers animated some day. Fingers crossed. Thus, it’s on to our next and final old, but not forgotten missing adventure… The Highlanders, where the TARDIS team face their greatest enemy yet—TARTAN!
